Second Time Around

“And when are you planning on having your second?” can be a dreaded question for some mums.

It can be particularly painful for those struggling with “secondary infertility” – the inability to become pregnant or carry a baby to term after previously giving birth to a baby.

“It can be difficult for a woman to watch her peers become pregnant with a second or even third child, deepening the feeling of missing out. Her friends might say ‘just be grateful for the child you have’, but secondary infertility can be just as painful as primary infertility – or worse,” explains TANJA FAESSLER, coach and counsellor at Counsellingconnectz. “The desire for another child can become so strong that a mother’s focus can drift from her existing child, leaving her feeling guilty about not being present enough for her firstborn.”

If you’re struggling with this, Tanja suggests the following strategies:

• Ask your partner for their support and understanding. Explain exactly what a “complete” family means to you, and why.

• Talk to your existing child or children. Explain that Mum may be feeling sad sometimes, but this has nothing to do with them – in fact, she loves them more than anything!

• Explain to family and friends that what’s most needed is not advice but, rather, support and genuine listening.

“Of course, you don’t have to talk – simply change the topic if you’re uncomfortable. You can always work through your feelings privately with a trusted counsellor, in your own time.”

Counsellingconnectz provides care and support at every stage of the fertility journey – from pre-conception to pregnancy to post-natal support. Clients are offered specialised coaching and counselling sessions prior to commencing hormone stimulation, before egg retrieval and embryo transfer and during the two weeks’ waiting time.